Feeling Helpless? Learn How to Help Someone with Depression

Helping someone who has depression is not easy. It’s difficult to know what to say or do to brighten the person’s outlook. Sometimes, simply letting that person know that he or she is not alone, can bring that person some comfort.

The National Institute of Mental Health statistics showed 5.7 percent of American adults experienced a major, depressive episode in 2021. According to the World Health Organization, about 280 million people globally (including children) live with depression. Depression is a very common mental health disorder in the United States.

To help your loved one, who has depression, it is vital to understand what depression is. According to the Cleveland Clinic, depression “is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest in things and activities you once enjoyed.” Not only is it a mood disorder, but depression can also influence the way a person thinks, eats, and sleeps.

Feeling sad is a normal part of life. It’s common for people to grieve when they lose a parent. Adults going through a divorce may feel upset that a marriage ended. But if a person feels sad,everyday, for at least two weeks, the person is feeling more than just sadness. The person is dealing with depressed.

Different Categories of Depression

Medical professionals say there are different types of depressive disorders. Knowing the specific kind of depressive disorder a person has can determine the best way to treat the medical condition. The different types of depressive disorders include:

Major depression/Clinical depression: This is an episode of depression which usually lasts for at least two weeks and more often extends longer than four weeks. People with clinical depression tend to have problems conducting day-to-day activities.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD): Individuals, with this depressive disorder, often experience symptoms during specific times of the year, and it is typically triggered by seasonal changes. Most of the time, seasonal affective disorder begins in the autumn and continues through the winter months.
Persistent depressive disorder (PDD): Those with this type of depressive disorder have a long-form of depression that can interfere with their personal and professional relationships. The person feels sad and empty, and often, she or he does not want to participate in a physical activity or a social activity. The person may also have no self esteem and may feel like a failure.
Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD): This depressive disorder is found in children. It causes children to have overwhelming agitation and frequent temper tantrums which are largely out of proportion to the situation the child is facing.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): Women are the ones with this depressive disorder, which comes along with premenstrual syndrome. As a part of PMDD, the woman experiences anxiety, depression, and mood changes during the week before her period arrives. In extreme cases, a person with PMDD may become suicidal. Those diagnosed with PMDD can take hormonal birth control and antidepressants to help alleviate the treatment.

The important thing to remember is the importance of seeking treatment. If a person goes without treatment, his or her depression will become worse.

How to Recognize Depression

One of the most important ways to help a friend or family member who has depression is to recognize the symptoms and to understand that depression affects people in different ways.

Some symptoms of depression include:

The person expressing feelings of worthlessness and persistent feelings of sadness.
A loss of interest in hobbies that once brought joy, such as going to the movies or reading, or participating in a physical activity, like sex or sports.
Noticeable changes in appetite. Some individuals may have weight gain, while others may have weight loss.
They may have trouble thinking, remembering events or things and are slow to arrive at specific decisions.
Repeated mentions of suicidal thoughts or feelings.

Once you determine the symptoms you’re seeing are symptoms of depression, you can start finding ways to help.

How Can You Help?

Sometimes, those with depression may not want to go and seek medical or therapeutic assistance, and they may not even want to talk about the subject. However, encouraging them to seek help is one of the best ways to assist a person with depression. There are many times where people, with depression, are ashamed of how they’re feeling. They believe depression is an indication of weakness, and they think they can overpower it on their own, not realizing that depression seldom improves without the proper treatment. When someone mentions treatment, people with depression will usually put up a lot of resistance. Therefore, it’s beneficial to learn a variety of ways to approach the subject.

When talking to the person, be sure to explain why you are concerned and what behavior you have seen that has caused the worry.
Clarify to the individual that depression is a health condition, and people with a health condition often get better when they receive the treatment they need.
Say that you’re there to offer support, but the best person to provide him or her with the best advice is a mental health professional such as mental health providers, including licensed counselors or psychologists.
Tell the person that he or she will not have to do everything alone. You can help with making the phone calls and setting the appointments. Sometimes, even picking up a phone can be a cumbersome task.
To encourage a person to seek the professional assistance needed, suggest preparing a list of questions to ask the mental health professional during the first visit.

Working With the Mental Health Provider

Once the individual sees the mental health professional, the provider will probably work on a health care plan for depression to help treat the depression. The plan would include establishing goals to help with minimizing the person’s feelings of hopelessness, reducing suicidal thoughts, and building the person’s self-confidence.

For instance, to help with feelings of hopelessness, a counselor may try to help patients recognize that they have control over some of their actions. A patient with depression may have a distorted understanding of what is or isn’t in their control. The counselor may try to help the patient recognize those misunderstandings. In addition, the therapist may assist the patient in identifying coping behaviors that they used to enjoy in the past (like drawing, reading or playing with pets), to help them now.

In another instance, a counselor may provide a care plan to help a patient focus more on his or her self care. Many people, who are depressed, stop focusing on their well-being, because they lack the motivation. To help the patient with his or her self care, a mental health provider may encourage the patient to have a routine and schedule. The schedule can help make time for eating, grooming, and getting dressed, which in turn, can help energize the patient. The care plan may also suggest the patient to eat with others (such as their friends and family) as a way to increase socialization.

There is also home care for depression. In some cases, mental health services might be needed in the home. The home-care approach can help deliver personalized treatments to the patients in an environment which is familiar to them. And there are a variety of methods to provide home care. These include home visits, communication through virtual tools like video calls and online platforms, training family members on how to help with depression, and organizing community dinners and activities with friends and families, to help reduce isolation.

When Suicidal Thoughts Come Into Play

Depression becomes a serious situation when the person starts considering suicide. Be watchful and observant for any signs of suicide, which can include:

Suicidal statements: The person may start talking about suicide and may say statements like, “I’m going to kill myself,” or “I wish I were dead,” or “I wish I had never been born.”
There’s a plan: Having a plan to kill one’s self is one of the primary signs a person wants to kill him or herself. The plan could include determining the way the individual wants to die, whether it’s by using a gun or taking too many pills.
Collecting the tools or weapons: The person may start purchasing the tools or weapons needed to kill him or herself, such as a gun, if the person wanted to kill her or himself, or a rope, if the person wanted to hang her or himself.
Isolation: The person may start withdrawing from activities and may prefer to be alone than with friends and family.
Giving away belongings: As a way to prepare for suicide, a person may start giving away his prized possessions to friends and families, without providing reasons for these actions.

For a complete list of warning signs of suicide, click here.

Resources for Suicide

It’s necessary to to take action as soon as you realize the person is having suicidal thoughts. Contact the person’s health care provider and mental health provider or any other health care professional who may be able to help during this dangerous situation. Let other family members and close friends know what’s happening. Also, call a suicide hotline. There are multiple suicide hotlines that can be used. Here are some of the following hotlines:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline which is available 24 hours a day. You can call or text 988. You can also use the Lifeline Chat. These services are free and private.
You can call 988 and then press “1” for the Veterans Crisis Line. You can also text 838255 or chat online.
Those who speak Spanish can call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at (888)-628-9454. This is toll free.

In the long run, that person you helped would be grateful for all of the assistance you gave. You most likely saved a life.

Look After Yourself First

But it’s crucial, while you support someone with depression, you take care of yourself too. Taking care of someone can cause anger, irritability or frustration. Don’t think these types of feelings are wrong or unusual. Make sure you validate these feelings. Having these types of feelings are very normal.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, you might need to take some time to look after yourself. Seeing a counselor can be beneficial to you too. Participating in activities that you enjoy can not only bring you pleasure but also the strength to look after other people too.